Good News and Tomfoolery in Torts

November 28, 2005

Tonight I got back my first negligence essay in torts. According to the professor, most people scored in the 20s, and only about six people made it above 65. My score was 75. Schwing! Better yet, here’s the comment she wrote at the end:

This is the most entertaining exam answer I have ever read. And a pretty good one, too, for a first effort. Thank you.

Not bad, eh? Here is one of my favorite excerpts from my answer:

[T]he burden on Frieda to simply watch where she’s going, to pay attention to the brake lights on the back of Mike’s and Mindy’s car, and to not smash into them like an oblivious fool, is pretty low, and the utility of letting her smash into other cars while driving, if put on a numerial scale, would be in the negative numbers. In this case, that Probability/Gravity versus Burden/Utility scale is going to come crashing down on Frieda’s negligent little head and establish a standard of care that bars her from smashing into the car in which Mindy is riding.”

And then, after writing my whole essay, I added an epilogue, reproduced here:

Never again will Mindy be heard to say things like, “I’d give my left eye to see some really good fireworks tonight!” Within a year she becomes addicted to painkillers and spends all her days lying in bed. Eventually, Mike becomes distraught and decides to sue Dan for loss of consortium. Dan, in a fit of despair decides to shoot himself, thus freeing himself from liability. Finally, Mike, at the end of his wits, murders Mindy “to put her out of, uh, her mistery” and ends up in prison where he is heard muttering things like “to die, to sleep; to sleep perchance to dream” and “with a bare bodkin!

Yes, I actually wrote that and turned it in, crazy fool that I am.


“Intelligent Design” = Hastily-Modified Monkeys

November 27, 2005

You simply must read this. Here’s an excerpt:

STAN: . . . I mean, you do want to design this intelligently, right?

GOD: Naturally.

STAN: So, howsabout you throw in a little more padding on the knees, reinforce the lower spine, give the ladies a wider undercarriage and badaboom! I mean, that’d work better than just a hastily-modified monkey, right?

Read the rest. Tell your friends.


“Intelligent Design” = Hastily-Modified Monkeys

November 27, 2005

You simply must read this. Here’s an excerpt:

STAN: . . . I mean, you do want to design this intelligently, right?

GOD: Naturally.

STAN: So, howsabout you throw in a little more padding on the knees, reinforce the lower spine, give the ladies a wider undercarriage and badaboom! I mean, that’d work better than just a hastily-modified monkey, right?

Read the rest. Tell your friends.


The Roots of Morality

November 26, 2005

Here are some excellent quotes culled from the opening chapters of Michael Shermer’s book The Science of Good and Evil:

“Our whole dignity consists in thought. Let us endeavor, then, to think well: this is the principle of ethics.” — Blaise Pascal, 1670

“I can live with doubt and uncertainty and not knowing. I think it is much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers that might be wrong. If we will only allow that, as we progress, we remain unsure, we will leave opportunities for alternatives. We will not become enthusiastic for the fact, the knowledge, the absolute truth of the day, but remain always uncertain. . . . In order to make progress, one must leave the door to the unknown ajar.” — Richard Feynman, physicist and Nobel laureate

“When I view all beings not as special creations, but as the lineal descendants of some few beings which lived long before the first bed of the Cambrian system was deposited, they seem to me to become ennobled.” — Charles Darwin

“The choice between transcendentalism and empiricism will be the coming century’s version of the struggle for men’s souls. Moral reasoning will either remain centered in idioms of theology and philosophy, where it is now, or shift toward science-based material analysis. Where it settles will depend on which world view is correct, or at least which is more widely perceived to be correct.” — Edward O. Wilson, evolutionary biologist

“The more consciences are lacking in a group as a whole, the more energy the group will need to divert to enforcing otherwise tacit rules or else face dissolution. Thus considering one step (individual vs. group) in a hierarchical population structure, having a conscience is an ‘altruistic’ character.” — William Hamilton

If you connect the dots, you can see where Shermer is headed; human morality is not divine decree, nor people behaving counter to their natural biological needs, but a system that arises naturally from the problem of human social organization.

Over Thanksgiving, one of my relatives pointed out that society as a whole still needs religion to keep people in line morally, because when morality is defined by divine decree, people are willing to follow the rules. But if more and more people understand morality to come from below, from the necessities of human social organization (which allow greater chances of individual survival and well-being), what happens to society? Do people follow the rules?

A couple years ago I bought a volume of writings by the Marquis de Sade, who thought that once God and his divinely decreed morality were removed from the equation, people were completely free to do whatever they wanted, according to their own individual desires. He was at the far extreme; if you aren’t going to do what God tells you to do, do what your own lusts tell you to do. But where is the humanity in either extreme? Where is that dignity in thought that Pascal pointed out? If you are either a slave to God or a slave to your desires, who (or what) are you, and why are you there at all?

Just something to think about.


I Guess Not

November 25, 2005

Well, it looks like my family didn’t play the What-Are-You-Thankful-For? game this year. Nobody got to hear about my gratitude to the builders of our sewer systems.


Thankful

November 24, 2005

Here it is again. Thanksgiving. I’m at the home of some relatives. They have wireless internet. Sweet. It’s been so long since I’ve had a wired internet connection, the very idea seems downright quaint. I have WiFi at home, at school, at work, at Starbucks, and now here.

Anyway, I have been preparing because my family will likely do that cheesy thing where we all go say something we’re thankful for. Last year I said I was thankful for the weak hydrogen bonds that form between water molecules, because they make life possible. This year, I think I’m going to say that I’m thankful to the people who designed, built, and maintain the sewer system, without whose noble work we could not eat such large quantities of Turkey Day food without filling the streets with our own filth. Aren’t I wonderful at this game?


Pudding and Pie

November 20, 2005

Check out this interview with George Lucas, in which he points out that theatrically released movies are basically just loss leaders for the ancillary markets of DVD and television, where the real money is. But then, interestingly, he thinks DVDs are on their way out. (What? The just got here! Talk about a flash in the pan . . .) What will replace them, says George? Pay-per-view. Huh? Haven’t we had that for like 25 years already?

George doesn’t think theatrical exhibition will go away, though, and I hope he’s right. Going to the movies is fun. Sitting at home watching them is fun, but not in the same way. I don’t care how good your system is.

Anyway, read the interview. It’s interesting. George always is.


How Law School Twisted My Brain

November 19, 2005

You know you’re in law school when thoughts like this enter your mind unbidden . . .

Out in front of the bookstore where I work, we have a patio with some tables. In the middle of the patio is a tree. This being autumn, the leaves on the tree are falling off, so the patio is covered with lovely orange and yellow leaves.

After closing this evening, I was out putting the patio furniture away when it struck me that concrete covered in leaves could be pretty dangerous if it got wet. If we were to have a little rain or even some heavy fog, those leaves would get pretty slippery. I imagined some little old lady falling down and breaking her hip. In other words, to use legal terminology, I was able to foresee a plaintiff.

But that’s not all. Once a plaintiff is foreseeable, you have a duty to prevent that person’s injuries. But what is that duty? Again, in legal terminology, this is called the standard of care. Now, in most jurisdictions, the standard of care for a land owner or occupier, as the store where I work would be, is established according to the status of the plaintiff and the condition on the premises that causes the injuries. This is an “artificial condition,” because concrete patios do not occur in nature. And here, since the property is a place of business, my foreseeable plaintiff would probably be an invitee, which is defined as a person who enters the premises for the furtherance of the owner’s interests (in this case, a customer or potential customer, who needs only intend on doing business with us in the future in order to gain the status of invitee). The standard of care of a landowner for an invitee injured by an artificial condition is what’s called “reasonable care.” In other words, you have to do what a reasonable person would do to prevent your foreseeable plaintiff from suffering an injury.

Funny thing, however—California doesn’t require all that analysis. We’re a minority jurisdiction when it comes to the rule about the standard of care for landowners. Here, it doesn’t matter if you’re an invitee, a licensee (someone who enters the property for his or her own benefit, like a social guest), a known or unknown trespasser, or even a person off the premises (but near enough that conditions or activities on the premises may cause injury). None of that matters. Here, the standard of care is the same for everybody: reasonable care.

Yeah, I know, both analytical tracks got us to the same place, but that isn’t always the case. If my foreseeable plaintiff had been, say, an unknown trespasser (someone who intentionally and without authorization enters land that proves to belong to another, and the landowner does not know, nor has reason to know, that he or she has entered), then there would be no duty between the landowner and the trespasser, and if that person slipped and fell and broke a hip, the landowner would probably not be liable.

Anyway, so regarding our leafy patio, we owe duty of reasonable care to any foreseeable plaintiffs. So what is reasonable care again? It’s whatever a reasonable person would do to prevent injury to a foreseeable plaintiff. Here, as a reasonable person, I am recalling from personal experience that concrete coated in wet leaves can bee pretty darned slippery. Since it is November and wet conditions are not unheard of in these parts at this time of year, it is reasonable to suppose that all those leaves could become wet. As well, considering that many of our customers are elderly women, who commonly suffer injuries like broken hips after falls, it is quite reasonable to assume that a reasonable person would sweep up those leaves, lest he be a fool and desire liability.

But there’s an even more precise way to determine reasonable care. You weigh the probability and gravity of potential injury against the burden of prevention and the social utility of the unaltered conduct. Here, the probability that the leaves will get wet and someone will slip on them and be injured is probably moderate. The potential gravity of the injury is moderate, too. But the burden of prevention is very low—just sweep up the leaves! That’s easy. Is there social utility in keeping our patio covered in fallen leaves? Nope. So we have moderate probability and gravity of injury versus almost no burden of prevention or social utility of unaltered conduct, so clearly it is reasonable to sweep up the darned leaves. (And yes, that is exactly the formula we use. At our school we abbreviate it as “PGvBU” or just “PGBU” and pronounce it “pig-boo.” Funny, huh?)

So anyway, I had a note posted for the employee who is opening the store tomorrow, so she knows that the leaves on the patio need to be swept up.

See, this is what law school does. Before law school, I would have just had some vague thought like, “We should probably sweep up those leaves.” Now I break it down into tiny bits that take several paragraphs to explain. All you unwashed masses out there who haven’t been to law school (my civil procedure professor calls you “The Blessed Ones”) probably are not interested in thinking like this all the time. You may even think it’s ridiculously baroque, all this rigamarole about duties and standards and reasonable care and invitees and landowners and whatnot. But the weird thing about the law (at least in our common law tradition) is that it has all grown up around the unarticulated standards of conduct that members of our society have established through custom. Ordinary people may just have some vague thought like, “We should probably sweep up those leaves,” but lawyers and judges come along and ask, “Why?” As time passes and things change, elements of the explanations consequent to that Ultimate Question solidify and become elements of “rules,” which are really just descriptions of how most people (i.e., “reasonable people”) already behave.

Also, notice that I am delegating the task of actually sweeping up the leaves to someone else. I’m too busy having complicated thoughts to do that sort of thing, you see. (Convenient, eh?)


Good Night, Reality

November 18, 2005

Ever read that book Goodnight Moon? On the back of the dust jacket, there’s a picture of the illustrator Clement Hurd. He used to be holding a cigarette. Not anymore.

moon450.jpg

Personally, I think smoking is disgusting and unhealthy, but I also think old photographs should stay the way they are. Why shouldn’t kids be aware that Hurd was a smoker? How do we improve their minds or morals by pretending that smoking doesn’t or didn’t exist? Or by implying that illustrators of children’s books are not allowed to have adult vices? It’s just sick and Orwellian, I think.

Log your own responses in the comment section. I’m curious.


Mr. Loudmouth

November 16, 2005

Class begins in twenty-four minutes. Until a moment ago, the room was blissfully quiet. Library quiet. Then Mr. Loudmouth came in. Gawd, I can’t stand that guy. He’s one of those people whose voice fills the room, and who rarely makes an attempt to mitigate this unfortunate resonance.

Worse, he’s constantly giving smug advice to other students. Like he knows the secrets of success, proven by the fact that he is repeating his first year of law school. Yes, repeating. Because last year he didn’t do well enough to move on.

Granted, one can learn valid lessons from failures, but that’s not the way his advice comes out. It’s not, “Last year, I did such-and-such, and that really didn’t work.” Nope. It’s more like, “Here’s how it is. Just do what I do and you’ll be fine.” Yeah. Right. Some people can pull that off. For instance, the professor of this class can speak authoritatively. The guy is brilliant. But even if I didn’t know that, he just has an authoritative air. He can say things well that would sound hopelessly smug and arrogant coming from someone else.

Mr. Loudmouth does not have an authoritative air. He strikes me more like an undergraduate who hasn’t learned yet how much he hasn’t yet learned. I hope he bombs out again this year. I don’t want to hear his yappy voice next year.